Funniest Scene So Far

Ch. 22, pp. 1032-1033

"宋青書心中大駭，偶一回頭，突然和周芷若的目光相接，只見她滿臉關懷之色，不禁心中又酸又怒，知道她關懷的絕非自己，當下深深吸了一口氣，左手揮掌猛擊張無忌右頰，右手出指疾點他左肩 ‘缺盆穴’，這一招叫作 ‘花開並蒂’，名稱好聽，招數卻十分厲害，雙手遞招之後，跟著右掌擊他左頰，左手食指點他右肩後 ‘缺盆穴’。這兩招 ‘花開並蒂’ 並成一招，連續四式，便如暴風驟雨般使出，勢道之猛，手法之快，當真非同小可。眾人見了這等聲勢，齊聲驚呼，不約而同的跨上了一步。"

The above is a description of a set of Wudang kungfu called "Blossom and the Receptacle". It is made up of four manouvres that are executed in rapid succession. First, you use your right hand to press on an acupressure point in your opponent's left shoulder area, and then you hit the left side of his forehead. You repeat this with your left hand and strike the right side of your opponent's shoulder and forehead. It is executed with such speed that your opponent will be immediately immobilized by your pressing on those two specific acupressure points. Then, he is also disoriented because of being struck on the forehead twice.

When Zhang Wuji was heavily injured by Zhou Zhiruo's sword, he couldn't even stand up straight to fight his opponent, Song Qingshu (son of Song Yuenqiao). Song thought that this would be his best and probably only chance to humiliate Zhang Wuji in front of Zhou Zhiruo. So he attacked Zhang Wuji with the "Blossom and the Receptacle." Little did Song know that Zhang Wuji had already mastered seven levels of Qian Kun Da Nuo Yi. Zhang Wuji used this to "return" whatever Song wanted to use on him back onto Song himself. When Song wanted to press on Zhang Wuji's acupressure point, Zhang pushed his hand back and Song ended up pressing on his own acupressure point. When Song wanted to strike Zhang Wuji on the forehead, Zhang pushed that back, too, and Song ended up hitting his own forehead. Because these four manouvres are executed with such speed, Song Qingshu ended up immobilising himself completely, became disoriented , and fell over backwards "with a bang."

"只聽得拍拍兩下清脆的響聲，宋青書左手一掌打上了自己左頰，右手食指點中了自己左肩 ‘缺盆穴’，跟著右手一掌打上了自己右頰，左手食指點中自己右肩 ‘缺盆穴’。他這招‘花開並蒂’四式齊發，卻給張無忌已 ‘乾坤大挪移’ 功夫挪移到了他自己身上。倘若他出招稍慢，那麼點中了自己左肩 ‘缺盆穴’ 後，此後兩式便即無力使出，生他四式連環，迅捷無倫，左肩 ‘缺盆穴’ 雖被點中，手臂尚未麻木，直到使全了 ‘花開並蒂’ 的下半套之後，這才手足酸軟，砰到一聲仰天摔倒，掙紮了幾下，再也站不起來了。"

ROTFLMAO!!!

In the 1986 TVB version, the martial arts choreography looked so cool when Tony Leung acted this out. I didn't know that the novel description would actually be so hilarious.